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The Tact Tactic
See Thoughts From the Mount of Blessing, pp.134, 135.
- Highlight the paragraph with this sentence, “Enter into their feelings, their difficulties, their disappointments, their joys, and their sorrows.”
- Underline the paragraph that starts, “The golden rule is the principle . . .”
Esther 4:9-17 (Contemporary English Version)
“Hathach went back to Esther and told her what Mordecai had said. She answered, ‘Tell Mordecai there is a law about going in to see the king, and all his officials and his people know about this law. Anyone who goes in to see the king without being invited by him will be put to death. The only way that anyone can be saved is for the king to hold out the gold scepter to that person. And it's been thirty days since he has asked for me.’ When Mordecai was told what Esther had said, he sent back this reply, ‘Don’t think that you will escape being killed with the rest of the Jews, just because you live in the king's palace. If you don't speak up now, we will somehow get help, but you and your family will be killed. It could be that you were made queen for a time like this!’ Esther sent a message to Mordecai, saying, ‘Bring together all the Jews in Susa and tell them to go without eating for my sake! Don't eat or drink for three days and nights. My servant girls and I will do the same. Then I will go in to see the king, even if it means I must die.’ Mordecai did everything Esther told him to do.”
- In your own words, what is tact?
- Why is it important to be tactful?
- Was this an awkward situation for Esther?
The Tact Tactic
What an awkward situation. A man was waiting in a busy airport and, being hungry, bought a bag of doughnuts. He found a table, placed the bag on the table, but decided he also needed something to drink. The man returned to the counter, purchased a drink, and came back to his table, only to find another traveler seated there. The food court was busy, and so he was happy to share the table.
The man reached his hand into the bag of doughnuts and began to eat. The newcomer looked up, smiled, and helped himself to one of the doughnuts from the bag.
Our traveler could hardly believe his eyes. Here was a complete stranger helping himself without even asking. He gave him a withering look and went back to reading the newspaper.
A little while later, he took another doughnut. The other man did too. The first man was about to say something, but he was interrupted by a boarding call, at which the rude visitor jumped up. But before leaving, he reached into the bag again. He took out the final doughnut, broke it in half, and left the stunned man with a smile and the last doughnut half. Remaining at the table, the man marveled at the boldness of his fellow traveler.
A short time later his flight was called. He picked up his coat, under which was a small bag. It was a bag of doughnuts. . . . . . . . of doughnuts. He realized that the man he had accused of eating his doughnuts was innocent. Our traveler had been helping himself to the other man’s doughnuts.
What can you say? What would have happened if he had said something? How would you react?-Adapted from Philip Baker, “Doughnuts,” Australian Stories for the Heart (Sydney: Australia: Strand Publishing, 2002), pp. 86, 87.
- 1. Why didn’t the other man say something?
- How could you tactfully tell someone that they are eating something that belongs to you?
See Thoughts From the Mount of Blessing, pp. 136,137.
- Underline the sentence that starts, “That which we do to others . . .”
- Highlight the sentence that starts, “Whatever we give . . .”
- Highlight the sentence that says, “Everyone who has been free to condemn or discourage . . .”
Here’s What I Think
A group of your school friends have been bullying a new student. They have ridiculed his/her old clothes, bad haircut and body shape. You see the hurt this is causing the new student. Wanting to fit in, you do not say anything. But sitting with your friends at lunch, you still feel bad about what has been happening.
Should you speak up? Why or why not? Should you simply express your feelings and tell your friends they were wrong, or is there a more tactful way to raise the issue?
Log on to www.guidemagazine.com to post your responses. Be up-front and honest. Say what you think. The lines below are provided as an alternative to posting. You may wish to record your thoughts to share with your class later.
In Other Words
Find the hidden words within the grid of letters. You will then discover the hidden message in the first two lines of the puzzle.
care dexterity discretion perception skill
consideration diplomacy insight politeness subtlety
delicacy discernment judgment sensitivity thoughtfulness
Esther 5:1-8 (Contemporary English Version):
“Three days later, Esther dressed in her royal robes and went to the inner court of the palace in front of the throne. The king was sitting there, facing the open doorway. He was happy to see Esther, and he held out the gold scepter to her. When Esther came up and touched the tip of the scepter, the king said, ‘Esther, what brings you here? Just ask, and I will give you as much as half of my kingdom.’ Esther answered, ‘Your Majesty, please come with Haman to a dinner I will prepare for you later today.’ The king said to his servants, ‘Hurry and get Haman, so we can accept Esther's invitation.’ The king and Haman went to Esther's dinner, and while they were drinking wine, the king asked her, ‘What can I do for you? Just ask, and I will give you as much as half of my kingdom.’ Esther replied, ‘Your Majesty, if you really care for me and are willing to do what I want, please come again tomorrow with Haman to the dinner I will prepare for you. At that time I will answer Your Majesty's question.’ ”
- Why do you believe Esther took so much time to make her request from the king? Explain.
- What was Esther doing?
So What?
All relationships are built upon communication. So when, how, and what we communicate has a significant impact upon the nature of our relationships. So it’s hardly surprising the Bible has much to say about these subjects. A number of Bible passages highlight the power that speaking has to change our lives and affect the lives of others.
So before we even begin to speak, we need to ask ourselves questions such as: Should I say anything? How will the person react? Should I speak up even if what I say won’t be popular? Sometimes we may not recognize it, but we make choices every day about how we will communicate with others.
The word “tact” can at times be used to mean simply telling people what they want to hear so they do what we want. But intelligent and honest tactfulness is an important part of good communication. We sometimes feel so awkward in relating to others; tact can smooth that awkwardness for us and for others. It is a part of efficient relationships and can make us a better friend.
What can we learn from Esther about tact? Please explain.
Choose a text from those listed below to memorize. Look up the texts and fill in the blanks.
1. Esther 4:14(NLT): “If you keep quiet at a ______ like this, ___________ and _______ for the Jews will arise from some other _______, but you and your _________ will die. Who knows if perhaps ____ were made _____ for just such ______ as this?”
2. Psalm 34:12, 13 (NLT): “Do any of you want to _____ a _____ that is ____ and ____? Then keep your . . . ______ from telling _____!”
3. Proverbs 10:19 (NLT): ”Too much talk ______ to ______ . Be _______ and keep your _____ _____.”
4. Proverbs 17:28 (NLT): “Even fools are thought _______ when they keep _______; with ________ shut, they seem ________.”
5. James 1:19 (NLT): “Be quick to listen, _____ to _______, and _____ to get _______.”
6. James 3:2 (NLT) “We all make many ________ for if we could _____ our _______, we would be _______ and could also _______ ourselves in _____ _____ way.”
How many times was the word tongue used in these verses? ________
How many times was the phrase “be silent” or “be quiet used”? _________
How many times was the suggestion to “keep your mouth shut” used? _______
How many times was the suggestion “Don’t talk to much” used? ______
What is the Bible trying to teach us about how to be tactful? Explain. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Mark 4:23-25 (Contemporary English Version)
“If you have ears, pay attention! Listen carefully to what you hear! The way you treat others will be the way you will be treated--and even worse. Everyone who has something will be given more. But people who don't have anything will lose what little they have.”
Read the following passage from Esther 7. Stop and think about the above passage from Mark. How do the verses fit in Mark with the last part of the story of Esther?
Esther 7 (Contemporary English Version)
- Was Haman tactful?
- 2. How could this story have been different if everyone involved had practiced tact?
- 3. Why do you think Haman wasn’t tactful?
What Does This Have to Do With Me?
One of the best stories of relating to others as a Christian is that of Paul when he visited Athens (Acts 17:16-34). When he was invited to speak to the assembly of city leaders, he referred to things they all knew—an altar dedicated “To an Unknown God” and some of the local poetry. Rather than condemning the idols of the city, Paul used these to point his listeners to the God he knew, and was able to share the story of Jesus with them.
In any aspect of our lives—but perhaps more in sharing Jesus with our friends-we need to practice tact. It is a tactic we can practice and with which we can–connect easily and closely with those around us. And when it comes down to it, after our relationship with God, our relationships with others is the most important part of our lives. Why not try the tact tactic today?
John 4:1-26 (Contemporary English Version)
“Jesus knew that the Pharisees had heard that he was winning and baptizing more followers than John was. But Jesus' disciples were really the ones doing the baptizing, and not Jesus himself.
“Jesus left Judea and started for Galilee again. This time he had to go through Samaria, and on his way he came to the town of Sychar. It was near the field that Jacob had long ago given to his son Joseph. The well that Jacob had dug was still there, and Jesus sat down beside it because he was tired from traveling. It was noon, and after Jesus' disciples had gone into town to buy some food, a Samaritan woman came to draw water from the well.
“Jesus asked her, ‘Would you please give me a drink of water?’
‘You are a Jew,’ she replied, ‘and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink of water when Jews and Samaritans won't have anything to do with each other?’ Jesus answered, ‘You don't know what God wants to give you, and you don't know who is asking you for a drink. If you did, you would ask me for the water that gives life.’ ‘Sir,’ the woman said,‘you don't even have a bucket, and the well is deep. Where are you going to get this life-giving water? Our ancestor Jacob dug this well for us, and his family and animals got water from it. Are you greater than Jacob?’ Jesus answered, ‘Everyone who drinks this water will get thirsty again. But no one who drinks the water I give will ever be thirsty again. The water I give is like a flowing fountain that gives eternal life.’
“The woman replied, ‘Sir, please give me a drink of that water! Then I won't get thirsty and have to come to this well again.’ Jesus told her, ‘Go and bring your husband.’ The woman answered, ‘I don't have a husband.’
‘That's right,’ Jesus replied, ‘you're telling the truth. You don't have a husband. You have already been married five times, and the man you are now living with isn't your husband.’ The woman said, ‘Sir, I can see that you are a prophet. My ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews say Jerusalem is the only place to worship.’ Jesus said to her: ‘Believe me, the time is coming when you won't worship the Father either on this mountain or in Jerusalem. You Samaritans don't really know the one you worship. But we Jews do know the God we worship, and by using us, God will save the world. But a time is coming, and it is already here! Even now the true worshipers are being led by the Spirit to worship the Father according to the truth. These are the ones the Father is seeking to worship him. God is Spirit, and those who worship God must be led by the Spirit to worship him according to the truth. The woman said, ‘I know that the Messiah will come. He is the one we call Christ. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.’ ‘I am that one,’ Jesus told her, ‘and I am speaking to you now.’"
How Does It Work?
One of the most difficult aspects of tactfulness is when to say something and when to keep quiet—and then if you do say something, what do you say? Jesus taught that we should “do for others what you would like them to do for you” (Matthew 7:12, NLT).So one guide to answering these questions might be to consider how you would like to be treated in those circumstances.
Today’s Reading is the story of the Samaritan woman. If you had been her, how would you have felt as Jesus spoke to you?
Think through the following scenarios:
- You are at a formal dinner and have something large and green stuck between your teeth.
Would you like a friend to say something to you? Yes or no?
If yes, how would you suggest they tell you?
Is this how you would treat a friend in similar circumstances? Explain.
- You are going out with friends, dressed in something they consider embarrassing.
Would you like a friend to say something to you? Yes or no?
If yes, how would you suggest they tell you?
Is this how you would treat a friend in similar circumstances? Explain.
Think up some scenarios of your own and ask yourself these questions. If you need more ideas, check out “Other Stuff” on the Web site at www.guidemagazine.org/rtf.