| Home Study Sheets Archives Third Quarter 2009 | Email | Print |
|
What’s Best for You
Proverbs 18:23, 24 (Amplified Bible)
“The poor man uses entreaties, but the rich answers roughly.
“The man of many friends [a friend of all the world] will prove himself a bad friend, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
“It is inevitable that the youth will have associates, and they will necessarily feel their influence. There are mysterious links that bind souls together so that the heart of one answers to the heart of another. One catches the ideas, the sentiments, the spirit, of another. This association may be a blessing or a curse. The youth may help and strengthen one another, improving in deportment, in disposition, in knowledge; or, by permitting themselves to become careless and unfaithful, they may exert an influence that is demoralizing.
“It has been truly said, ‘Show me your company, and I will show you your character.’ The youth fail to realize how sensibly both their character and their reputation are affected by their choice of associates. One seeks the company of those whose tastes and habits and practices are congenial. He who prefers the society of the ignorant and vicious to that of the wise and good shows that his own character is defective. His tastes and habits may at first be altogether dissimilar to the tastes and habits of those whose company he seeks; but as he mingles with this class, his thoughts and feelings change; he sacrifices right principles and insensibly yet unavoidably sinks to the level of his companions. As a stream always partakes of the property of the soil through which it runs, so the principles and habits of youth invariably become tinctured with the character of the company in which they mingle” (The Adventist Home, pp. 455, 456).
WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU
The two young men facing each other stood tall and strong. Though only an arm’s length away, it felt as if a huge canyon separated them. The years they had spent together had bound their friendship so that they were closer than most brothers. The futures they each longed for now appeared to be impossible. What had gone wrong?
Jon had been born into privilege. The firstborn of the first CEO of a growing empire. Everyone believed this adored son was being groomed to replace his father one day. The young man appeared to be living up to everyone’s expectations of him.
During Jon’s childhood the family had practically adopted a boy about Jon’s age. Dave had been born the youngest son in a large family of boys. His parents had given Dave many hard and unglamourous chores so that he had learned to be a dependable worker. One such chore required Dave to go to where the CEO was working on a most difficult problem. Many employees had tried to solve it, but Dave, in his youthful innocence, surprised everyone. At first, employees had laughed at Dave’s suggestion, but when the young man solved the problem, the future looked brighter for all of them.
The CEO was thrilled and at that time insisted that Dave join the family. Over the years Jon and Dave became inseparable. Then, the father began to hear rumors that the employees might prefer to have Dave as the next CEO. Jon’s father became furious; that position was to be held by his beloved son. The CEO began to show Dave that he was no longer welcome.
Jon had heard all the talk about Dave becoming the next leader. Jon loved Dave and believed the adopted brother might be a better leader. Jon really just wanted the best for everyone.
One day Jon realized just how worried and angry his father had become. Jon listened, and learned that his father was thinking of having Dave killed. The CEO warned his son to say nothing about this to Dave and instead find a way to get Dave to walk into a trap.
Because Jon loved Dave, he ignored his father’s request and warned his friend of the danger that waited. This warning gave Dave a chance to escape before Jon’s father could find him.
Jonathan’s actions kept his father, King Saul, from killing David, the anointed, future king of Israel.
The following questions are meant to help you start thinking about this week’s lesson entitled “Friendship.” You hear from your parents and in church how important the friendships you make are to your eternal life. Have you ever wondered what the big deal is about who you want to hang out with? Have you ever gotten really upset—because you aren’t allowed to be special friends with the most popular kids in school who have picked you to be their special friend? And then there’s the question that arises when you are taught to be like Jesus—wasn’t He friends with “sinners”? Why can’t you be friends with whoever you want to be friends with? Answer the questions below to the best of your ability with the information you have thus far. At the end of the week come back and look over your answers again, change the things that you need to change.
- How do you choose your friends?
- How did David and Jonathan choose their friends?
- How did David know that Saul didn’t really love him?
- What does the Bible have to do with the people we hang out with?
- How will the friends you choose help you go to heaven or keep you from going?
- How can you be friends with everyone and still be careful who your friends are?
As you read the quotations that follow in today’s lesson, stop and think. How might you be able to stay friends with someone that you know isn’t leading a Christian life? Do you need to define what the word friendship means? Does friendship have more than one meaning? Try to answer those questions as you continue your study for today.
“Especially should those who have tasted the love of Christ develop their social powers, for in this way they may win souls to the Saviour. Christ should not be hid
away in their hearts, shut in as a coveted treasure, sacred and sweet, to be enjoyed solely by themselves; nor should the love of Christ be manifested toward those only who please their fancy. Students are to be taught the Christlikeness of exhibiting a kindly interest, a social disposition, toward those who are in the greatest need, even though these may not be their own chosen companions. At all times and in all places Jesus manifested a loving interest in the human family and shed about Him the light of a cheerful piety” (The Adventist Home, pp. 457, 458).
“We raise our voice and cry to every believer in the present truth: If you would have spiritual health, look to your lungs. Look to your spiritual food. Cultivate a love for the society of those who are pure and good, if you would have Christ formed in you as the life of the soul. The health of the soul depends upon the breathing of a good moral atmosphere” (Our High Calling, p. 255).
“We hold too much at a distance those who do not believe the truth. We call them and wait for them to come to us to inquire for the truth. Many will not be inclined to do this, for they are in darkness and error, and cannot discern the truth and its vital importance. Satan holds them with his firm power, and if we would help them, we must show a personal interest and love for their souls, and take hold of them in earnest. We must work in prayer and love, with faith and unwearied patience, hoping all things and believing all things, having the wisdom of the serpent and the meekness of the dove, in order to win souls to Christ” (Life Sketches of Ellen G. White, p. 211).
HERE’S WHAT I THINK
Jennifer was ready for a change. Since kindergarten, Cheryl had been her best friend. But now they were going into the eighth grade. While they were still great friends, Jennifer realized their interests were changing. After school, Jennifer liked to play sports. Cheryl preferred to go home, practice her music, and read. Jennifer felt it was time to have a different locker mate at school.
Would it be better to continue sharing a locker, since that is really not a big deal? How would you feel if you were Cheryl, and Jennifer told you she wanted a change? What other conflicts might good friends have as they get older?
Go to http://guidemagazine.org/rtf to post your answers. Be upfront and honest. Say what you think. Your thoughts and feelings may seem clearer to you when you write them down, so we’ve provided space for you here as well. You may also wish to share them with your class later.
“The purity and soundness of our religious life is dependent not only on the truth we accept, but on the company we keep, and the moral atmosphere we breathe. Faith, elasticity and vigor, hopefulness, joyfulness, doubts and fears, slothfulness, stupidity, envy, jealousy, distrust, selfishness, waywardness, and backsliding, are the result of the associations we form, the company we keep, and the air we breathe.
“The indulgence of wrong associations will have its baleful results. . . .The Bible may be read and prayer be offered, yet there will be no increase of spiritual health, no growth of soul, so long as the air which is breathed is bad. . . . The greatest care should be exercised by the believers to place themselves in close connection with God and with those who have been taught of God. It is painful to see those who have believed present truth walking into Satan's net” (Our High Calling, p. 255).
Ephesians 4:25-32 (The Message)
“What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ's body we're all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.
“Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.
“Did you use to make ends meet by stealing? Well, no more! Get an honest job so that you can help others who can't work.
“Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.
“Don't grieve God. Don't break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don't take such a gift for granted.
“Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.”
Proverbs 19:11 (Amplified Bible)
“Good sense makes a man restrain his anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression or an offense.”
1 Peter 4:8 (Amplified Bible)
“Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins [forgives and disregards the offenses of others].”
Colossians 3:13 (Amplified Bible)
“Be gentle and forbearing with one another and, if one has a difference (a grievance or complaint) against another, readily pardoning each other; even as the Lord has [freely] forgiven you, so must you also [forgive].”
When you have problems with other people, it’s never easy to tell them. Sometimes when we disagree with someone we would rather ignore them—and why not? You’re not fighting with them. You just disagree. Maybe you have not even had words, you just have gossiped, putting them down. Perhaps they are the ones who have put you down. What would Jesus do? What options do you have as a Christian when you can’t get along with someone?
You have read the Bible texts above. What options do you have when you need to deal with someone you don’t get along with? Please write a solution to dealing with a person who has wronged you or you don’t agree with.
John 15:12-14 (New International Version)
“‘My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.’”
“If the youth could be persuaded to associate with the pure, the thoughtful, and the amiable, the effect would be most salutary. If choice is made of companions who fear the Lord, the influence will lead to truth, to duty, and to holiness. A truly Christian life is a power for good. But, on the other hand, those who associate with men and women of questionable morals, of bad principles and practices, will soon be walking in the same path. The tendencies of the natural heart are downward. He who associates with the skeptic will soon become skeptical; he who chooses the companionship of the vile will most assuredly become vile. To walk in the counsel of the ungodly is the first step toward standing in the way of sinners and sitting in the seat of the scornful” (The Adventist Home, p. 456, 457).
SO WHAT?
The animal kingdom has two responses to a problem—flight or fight. As humans, we are part of that kingdom. When it comes to fleeing a problem, we’re looking for a way to escape. We can run away from it. We can deny there is a problem, or we may choose to blame others for what is bothering us.
There are times when we choose to fight instead of flee. This could be the physical kind of flight with fists flying. But with many, fighting takes the form of using put-downs on other people. Another nonphysical way of fighting is to gossip about the person, hitting him or her with words.
But there is a third response that comes from being connected to our heavenly source of power. God says we’ll be happiest if we face our problems and try to work them out. And sometimes it’s best to just overlook a problem. Is everything worth fighting about?
However, some things can’t be overlooked; we have to solve them. The first step is to talk to the person you are having trouble with and try to work it out between the two of you. Other times we may need to get someone else to help us work out the differences and solve a problem.
Jesus places a great value on friends. He had several close friends while He was on earth. Jesus also says He wants us to be friends with Him.
- What is the difference between friendship and association?
- Do you have more than one definition for the word friend?
- Can you be friends with someone who doesn’t love Jesus?
- How do you decide who your friends will be?
Look up each text and finish writing the verse. If a version of the Bible is used that you don’t have at home, you can go to www.realtimefaith.net, click on Resources, and locate Bible Gateway. You will find many versions of the Bible on that site.
- Proverbs 17:14 (NIV): “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a . . . . .”
- Galatians 6:1-5 (NIV): “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are . . .”
- Matthew 5:23, 24 (Clear Word): “That’s why you should make things right with others before you go to worship God. And if, while you’re worshiping, you remember that you have something to make right, it’s better for you to leave, go and make things right and come back later. . . .”
- Ephesians 4:29 (NIV): “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up . . .”
- Proverbs 12:16 (NLT): “A fool is quick-tempered, but . . . .”
Thursday |Today’s Reading
Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10 (New International Version)
“Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
“If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!”
“Everyone will find companions or make them. And just in proportion to the strength of the friendship will be the amount of influence which friends will exert over one another for good or for evil. All will have associates and will influence and be influenced in their turn.
“God's word places great stress upon the influence of association, even on men and women. How much greater is its power on the developing mind and character of children and youth! The company they keep, the principles they adopt, the habits they form, will decide the question of their usefulness here and of their future destiny” (The Adventist Home, p. 455).
“With worldly youth the love of society and pleasure becomes an absorbing passion. To dress, to visit, to indulge the appetite and passions, and to whirl through the round of social dissipation appear to be the great end of existence. They are unhappy if left in solitude. Their chief desire is to be admired and flattered and to make a sensation in society; and when this desire is not gratified, life seems unendurable” (The Adventist Home, p. 457).
WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ME?
Friendships come in a great variety. Some friendships you were born into, such as your relationships with brothers, sisters, and cousins. There are friendships that come from years of shared experiences. These friends may have shared swimming lessons, bike rides, class assignments, or childhood worries. Other friendships come from shared interests: you enjoy the same sports, play in the band together, or read similar books.
This world is full of potential friends. Sometimes new friends begin to look more attractive than old ones. Some people even begin to feel they’ve outgrown their family. So how do you choose a new friend? Now is the time to consider what kind of friends we should have.
We have been born into God’s family. He’s been there while we’re growing up, and seen all the bad in us, and yet wants to be with us. God has chosen us to be part of His circle of friends. As agents of the kingdom, we should daily consider how we can help others be included in this circle of love.
- How can you help others and still be a Christian?
- What should our goal be as we associate with other people?
- Is it important to have friends?
- If you are having friendship problems what can you do?
Proverbs 3:29-31 (Contemporary English Version)
“Don't try to be mean
to neighbors who trust you.
Don't argue just to be arguing,
when you haven't been hurt.
Don't be jealous
of cruel people
or follow their example.”
Proverbs 18:8-20 (New International Version)
“Casting the lot settles disputes
and keeps strong opponents apart.
“An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city,
and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.
“From the fruit of his mouth a man's stomach is filled;
with the harvest from his lips he is satisfied.”
Proverbs 16:28, 29 (New International Version)
“A perverse man stirs up dissension,
and a gossip separates close friends.
“A violent man entices his neighbor
and leads him down a path that is not good.”
"‘Let us not love in word,’ the apostle writes, ‘but in deed and in truth.’ The completeness of Christian character is attained when the impulse to help and bless others springs constantly from within. It is the atmosphere of this love surrounding the soul of the believer that makes him a savor of life unto life and enables God to bless his work” (The Acts of the Apostles, p. 551).
HOW DOES IT WORK?
Think of the last time you had a disagreement with someone and it ended badly. Did you try to solve your problem by fighting? Did you use put-downs, gossiping, or actual hitting? Did you try to escape by denying there was a problem, or blaming someone else, or running away?
Now think of a time when a disagreement ended in renewed friendship. Did you work it out by overlooking the problem? By talking about the problem together until you were able to solve it? Or did you get someone else to help you? Which work-it-out strategies might have solved the problem you were just thinking about?
What do you plan to do when future friendships are threatened by disagreements?
Keep a record this week about problems you have each day. Make a note about how you solved them. Think about what works the best and why.
My Solution Journal
Sabbath
Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday