Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.
“Fools care nothing for thoughtful discourse; all they do is run off at the mouth. When wickedness arrives, shame's not far behind; contempt for life is contemptible. Many words rush along like rivers in flood, but deep wisdom flows up from artesian springs. It’s not right to go easy on the guilty, or come down hard on the innocent. The words of a fool start fights; do him a favor and gag him. Fools are undone by their big mouths; their souls are crushed by their words. Listening to gossip is like eating cheap candy; do you really want junk like that in your belly? Slack habits and sloppy work are as bad as vandalism. God’s name is a place of protection--good people can run there and be safe. The rich think their wealth protects them; they imagine themselves safe behind it. Pride first, then the crash, but humility is precursor to honor. Answering before listening is both stupid and rude.”
THE KING WHO LOVED CARPET
Once upon a time there was a king who never wore shoes. He was forever bruising and scraping his royal feet. One day, completely exasperated with this problem, he turned to his trusty minister and ordered: “I want you to carpet the entire kingdom by tomorrow morning, or it’s off with your head!”
The poor minister sat up half the night thinking about this impossible task and knowing full well that he would surely lose his head come morning. Suddenly, just as the sun began to raise, his fear turned into joy. He had an idea. Bounding from his bed, he ran to the royal carpetorium.
When the king awoke the next morning, he jumped quickly out of bed and hurried to the royal window to view his carpet-covered kingdom. Seeing not one inch of carpet anywhere, he began bellowing for the minister, roaring wildly. “Minister! Where’s my minister? I’ll have his head!”
At that very moment the minister appeared at the king’s door clutching a pair of very foreign object in his hands. “Your Highness, please be so kind as to try these first,” He begged. The king agreed, and in the wink of an eye the minister slipped the world’s first pair of carpet slippers onto the king’s royal feet.
Instantly the king’s anger turned to delight. Shuffling around the room with the softness of the finest carpet in the kingdom beneath his feet, all he could do was smile with every step.
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“He who loves to quarrel loves sin.”
“Never should we lose control of ourselves. Let us ever keep before us the perfect Pattern. It is a sin to speak impatiently and fretfully or to feel angry—even though we do not speak. We are to walk worthy, giving a right representation of Christ. The speaking of an angry word is like flint striking flint: it at once kindles wrathful feelings” (Child Guidance, p. 95).
“There is a wonderful power in silence. When impatient words are spoken to you, do not retaliate. Words spoken in reply to one who is angry usually act as a whip, lashing the temper into greater fury. But anger met by silence quickly dies away. Let the Christian bridle his tongue, firmly resolving not to speak harsh, impatient words. With the tongue bridled, he may be victorious in every trial of patience through which he is called to pass” (Reflecting Christ, p. 293).
“‘The tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.’ Only by the Lord's help can we bring our thoughts and words into subjection to the will of Christ” (Ellen G. White, Review and Herald, October 29, 1901).
Sheilah and her mother are always fighting. Sheilah’s mother will say something, and Sheliah will react by snapping at her, “You’re always on my case!” Sometimes Sheilah will roll her eyes and sigh, or just ignore her mother.
Sheliah’s mother often responds by saying, “Because you never listen to me!” Then Sheilah will click her teeth or go to her room. Both of them are frustrated. What can each of them do to make things better between them?
Go to http://guidemagazine.org/rtf to post your answers. Your thoughts and feelings may seem clearer to you when you write them down, so we’ve provided space for you here as well. You may also wish to share them with your class later. Be up-front and honest. #####
“It is not good to have zeal without knowledge,
nor to be hasty and miss the way.
“A man's own folly ruins his life,
yet his heart rages against the Lord.
“Wealth brings many friends,
but a poor man's friend deserts him.
“A false witness will not go unpunished,
and he who pours out lies will not go free.
“Many curry favor with a ruler,
and everyone is the friend of a man who gives gifts.
“A poor man is shunned by all his relatives—
how much more do his friends avoid him!
Though he pursues them with pleading,
they are nowhere to be found.
“He who gets wisdom loves his own soul;
he who cherishes understanding prospers.
“A false witness will not go unpunished,
and he who pours out lies will perish.
“It is not fitting for a fool to live in luxury—
how much worse for a slave to rule over princes!
“A man's wisdom gives him patience;
it is to his glory to overlook an offense.
“A king's rage is like the roar of a lion,
but his favor is like dew on the grass.
“A foolish son is his father's ruin,
and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.
“Houses and wealth are inherited from parents,
but a prudent wife is from the Lord.
“Laziness brings on deep sleep,
and the shiftless man goes hungry.
“He who obeys instructions guards his life,
but he who is contemptuous of his ways will die.
“He who is kind to the poor lends to the Lord,
and he will reward him for what he has done.
“Discipline your son, for in that there is hope;
do not be a willing party to his death.
“A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty;
if you rescue him, you will have to do it again.
“Listen to advice and accept instruction,
and in the end you will be wise.
“Many are the plans in a man's heart,
but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.
“What a man desires is unfailing love;
better to be poor than a liar.
“The fear of the Lord leads to life:
Then one rests content, untouched by trouble.
“The sluggard buries his hand in the dish;
The will not even bring it back to his mouth!
“Flog a mocker, and the simple will learn prudence;
rebuke a discerning man, and he will gain knowledge.
“He who robs his father and drives out his mother
is a son who brings shame and disgrace.
“Stop listening to instruction, my son,
and you will stray from the words of knowledge.”
“The beauties of nature have a tongue that speaks to us without ceasing. The open heart can be impressed with the love and glory of God as seen in the works of His hand. The listening ear can hear and understand the communications of God through the things of nature. There is a lesson in the sunbeam and in the various objects of nature that God has presented to our view. The green fields, the lofty trees, the buds and flowers, the passing cloud, the falling rain, the babbling brook, the sun, moon, and stars in the heavens—all invite our attention and meditation, and bid us become acquainted with Him who made them all.”
Things You Should Use to Be a Good listener
Find the hidden words within the grid of letters. After you have located and circled all the words in the list, mark the remaining unused letters and write the first 26 in the spaces provided at the bottom of the puzzle in the order they appear to uncover the hidden message.
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ask good listener prayer wisdom
ears grace overlook self-control
for help patience skill
God kindness practice understanding
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Thoughts From the Mount of Blessing, p. 75
“While we were yet unloving and unlovely in character, ‘hateful, and hating one another,’ our heavenly Father had mercy on us. ‘After that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared, not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us.’ Titus 3:3-5. His love received, will make us, in like manner, kind and tender, not merely toward those who please us, but to the most faulty and erring and sinful.
“The children of God are those who are partakers of His nature. It is not earthly rank, nor birth, nor nationality, nor religious privilege, which proves that we are members of the family of God; it is love, a love that embraces all humanity. Even sinners whose hearts are not utterly closed to God's Spirit, will respond to kindness; while they may give hate for hate, they will also give love for love. But it is only the Spirit of God that gives love for hatred. To be kind to the unthankful and to the evil, to do good hoping for nothing again, is the insignia of the royalty of heaven, the sure token by which the children of the Highest reveal their high estate.
Sweet, kind words are as dew and gentle showers to the soul. The Scripture says of Christ that grace was poured into His lips, that He might "know how to speak a word in season to him that is weary" (Ps. 45:2; Isa. 50:4). And the Lord bids us, ‘Let your speech be always with grace,’ ‘that it may minister grace unto the hearers’ (Eph 4:19).”
Mind, Character, and Personality, vol. 1, p. 169
“It is natural for human beings to speak sharp words. Those who yield to this inclination open the door for Satan to enter their hearts and to make them quick to remember the mistakes and errors of others. Their failings are dwelt upon, their deficiencies noted, and words are spoken that cause a lack of confidence in one who is doing his best to fulfill his duty as a laborer together with God. Often the seeds of distrust are sown because one thinks that he ought to have been favored but was not.”
Have you noticed that we are devoting two lessons to listening? Wonder why?
Think about this: “We were given two ears but only one mouth. God knew that listening was twice as hard as talking.” Not only is listening hard, but listening well is even harder—maybe one of the hardest things we will ever do. But it is also one of the most important things we can do as we mature and grow.
The same skills we use in the real world, we carry over into the spiritual world in our walk with God. We need to learn to set aside distractions and preconceived ideas and let God speak to us through the Bible, good books and music (and this Bible study guide), and godly people. Those same skills will be needed when we attempt to tell others about God. First, we will need to listen to what they think.
Then we can frame what we say to meet their needs.
The skill of listening well affects everyone for eternity.
“The words of Christ on the mount were an expression of that which had been the unspoken teaching of His life, but which the people had failed to comprehend. They could not understand how, having such great power, He neglected to use it in securing what they regarded as the chief good. Their spirit and motives and methods were the opposite of His. While they claimed to be very jealous for the honor of the law, self-glory was the real object which they sought; and Christ would make it manifest to them that the lover of self is a transgressor of the law.
“But the principles cherished by the Pharisees are such as are characteristic of humanity in all ages. The spirit of Pharisaism is the spirit of human nature; and as the Saviour showed the contrast between His own spirit and methods and those of the rabbis, His teaching is equally applicable to the people of all time.
“In the days of Christ the Pharisees were continually trying to earn the favor of Heaven in order to secure the worldly honor and prosperity which they regarded as the reward of virtue. At the same time they paraded their acts of charity before the people in order to attract their attention and gain a reputation for sanctity. Jesus rebuked their ostentation, declaring that God does not recognize such service and that the flattery and admiration of the people, which they so eagerly sought, was the only reward they would ever receive.
"‘When thou doest alms,’ He said, ‘let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth: that thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret Himself shall reward thee openly.’
“In these words Jesus did not teach that acts of kindness should always be kept secret. Paul the apostle, writing by the Holy Spirit, did not conceal the generous self-sacrifice of the Macedonian Christians, but told of the grace that Christ had wrought in them, and thus others were imbued with the same spirit. He also wrote to the church at Corinth and said, ‘Your zeal hath stirred up very many.’ 2 Corinthians 9:2, R.V.
“Christ's own words make His meaning plain, that in acts of charity the aim should not be to secure praise and honor from men. Real godliness never prompts an effort at display. Those who desire words of praise and flattery, and feed upon them as a sweet morsel, are Christians in name only.
The following texts are taken from the NIV Bible. If you don’t have that version of the Bible you may find one online at http://www.realtimefaith.net/. Click on Resources, and then find Bible Gateway.
Please look up each text and fill in the blanks.
Reckless words pierce like a __________, but the _______ of the wise brings _______. . . . . .A prudent man keeps his ___________ to himself, but the heart of _________ blurts out folly” (Proverbs 12:13-23).
“We are to give in sincerity, not to make a show of our good deeds, but from pity and love to the suffering ones. Sincerity of purpose, real kindness of heart, is the motive that Heaven values. The soul that is sincere in its love, wholehearted in its devotion, God regards as more precious than the golden wedge of Ophir.
“We are not to think of reward, but of service; yet kindness shown in this spirit will not fail of its recompense. ‘Thy Father which seeth in secret Himself shall reward thee openly.’ While it is true that God Himself is the great Reward, that embraces every other, the soul receives and enjoys Him only as it becomes assimilated to Him in character. Only like can appreciate like. It is as we give ourselves to God for the service of humanity that He gives Himself to us.
“No one can give place in his own heart and life for the stream of God's blessing to flow to others, without receiving in himself a rich reward. The hillsides and plains that furnish a channel for the mountain streams to reach the sea suffer no loss thereby. That which they give is repaid a hundredfold. For the stream that goes singing on its way leaves behind its gift of verdure and fruitfulness. The grass on its banks is a fresher green, the trees have a richer verdure, the flowers are more abundant. When the earth lies bare and brown under the summer's parching heat, a line of verdure marks the river's course; and the plain that opened her bosom to bear the mountain's treasure to the sea is clothed with freshness and beauty, a witness to the recompense that God's grace imparts to all who give themselves as a channel for its outflow to the world.”
Kind words, pleasant looks, a cheerful countenance, throw a charm around the Christian that makes his influence almost irresistible. This is a way to gain respect, and extend the sphere of usefulness, which costs but little. It is the religion of Christ in the heart that causes the words issuing therefrom to be gentle and the demeanor condescending, even to those in the humblest walks of life. A blustering, faultfinding, overbearing man is not a Christian; for to be a Christian is to be Christlike. . . .
“He who drinks in the spirit of Christ will let it flow forth in kind words, and be expressed in courteous deportment. The plan of salvation is to soften whatever is harsh and rough in the temper, and to smooth off whatever is rugged or sharp in the manners. External change will testify of an internal change. The truth is the sanctifier, the refiner. Received into the heart, it works with hidden power, transforming the receiver. But those who profess the truth and at the same time are rough, and sour, and unkind in words and deportment, have not learned of Jesus; all these manifestations show that they are yet servants of the wicked one. No man can be a Christian without having the spirit of Christ, manifesting meekness, gentleness, and refinement of manners. . . .
“Pleasant, kind, and well-bred Christians will have an influence for God and His truth; it cannot be otherwise. The light borrowed from Heaven will shed its brightening rays through them to the pathway of others. . . . The words we speak, our daily deportment, are the fruit growing upon the tree. If the fruit is sour and unpalatable, the rootlets of that tree are not drawing nourishment from a pure source. If our affections are brought into harmony with our Savior, if our characters are meek and lowly, we evidence that our life is hid with Christ in God; and we shall leave behind us a bright track. . . . Beholders will discern that we have been with Jesus and learned of Him.”
Ever wonder why every conversation with your parents or siblings seems to turn into an argument? It could be because you’re too serious! Play a game with yourself called “What They Really Meant to Say.” Record conversations that have gone bad over the past few days and figure out how you could have responded to make the situation better. Think about what the other person is really trying to say through not only his or her words but also their tone of voice and facial expressions. Here’s how you play:
Example 1:
Your sister (you share a room) says to you before going to bed: “You’re such a slob. You always throw your clothes on the floor and never pick them up. No one will ever want to room with you.”
Playing the game, you would say: What she really meant to say was: “When you throw your clothes on the floor after you come home from school and don’t pick them up, I feel frustrated and like I’m the only one who wants to keep the room neat. When my friends come over I feel embarrassed at how our room looks.”
Example 2:
Your brother says to you: “You never pay any attention to me. You’re always doing things with your friends.”
Playing the game, you would say: What he really meant to say was: “When you play chess with your friends after I’ve asked you to play soccer with me, I feel left out. I feel as if you don’t like spending time with me anymore.”
“This is the blessing of those who show mercy to the poor. The prophet Isaiah says, ‘Is it not to deal thy bread to the hungry, and that thou bring the poor that are cast out to thy house? when thou seest the naked, that thou cover him; and that thou hide not thyself from thine own flesh? Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily. . . . And the Lord shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought: . . . and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not.’ Isaiah 58:7-11.
“The work of beneficence is twice blessed. While he that gives to the needy blesses others, he himself is blessed in a still greater degree. The grace of Christ in the soul is developing traits of character that are the opposite of selfishness,—traits that will refine, ennoble, and enrich the life. Acts of kindness performed in secret will bind hearts together, and will draw them closer to the heart of Him from whom every generous impulse springs. The little attentions, the small acts of love and self-sacrifice, that flow out from the life as quietly as the fragrance from a flower—these constitute no small share of the blessings and happiness of life. And it will be found at last that the denial of self for the good and happiness of others, however humble and uncommended here, is recognized in heaven as the token of our union with Him, the King of glory, who was rich, yet for our sake became poor.
“The deeds of kindness may have been done in secret, but the result upon the character of the doer cannot be hidden. If we work with wholehearted interest as a follower of Christ, the heart will be in close sympathy with God, and the Spirit of God, moving upon our spirit, will call forth the sacred harmonies of the soul in answer to the divine touch.
“He who gives increased talents to those who have made a wise improvement of the gifts entrusted to them is pleased to acknowledge the service of His believing people in the Beloved, through whose grace and strength they have wrought. Those who have sought for the development and perfection of Christian character by exercising their faculties in good works, will, in the world to come, reap that which they have sown. The work begun upon earth will reach its consummation in that higher and holier life to endure throughout eternity.”
“Kind words, pleasant looks, a cheerful countenance, throw a charm around the Christian that makes his influence almost irresistible. It is the religion of Christ in the heart that causes the words to be gentle, and the demeanor winning, even to those in the humblest walks of life. In forgetfulness of self, in the light and peace and happiness he is constantly bestowing on others, is seen the true dignity of the man. This is a way to gain respect, and extend the sphere of usefulness, which costs but little; and the one who pursues this course will not complain that he does not receive the honor that is his due. But Bible rules must be written on the heart; Bible rules must be carried into the everyday life.
Refer back to Thursday’s lesson to refresh your memory about playing “What They Really Meant to Say.”
Keep track of your attempts to listen “between the lines” and hear what your friends and/or family are really saying to you.